You Are So Damn Pretty
After my ex and I finished our spiritual divorce ceremony, I felt the need to absorb our surroundings. I wanted to soak in the cool air, the late afternoon sun, and the budding green and white of a mid-March day. When I was ready to hike back to our cars, he asked what I thought of the ceremony. I said I thought it was pretty. Even in the moment I couldn’t understand why I would use such a surface word. We had just experienced something very profound, and I described it as pretty.
Then yesterday, a friend asked me about my experience, and I repeated the word pretty to him. He reflected back that the word was surface and simple. He was right of course, and it caused me to really try to listen to the meaning. I had booked a massage following our conversation. Once I was on the table and quite relaxed, the question returned to me. Why would I use the word pretty? And the answer came in the way answers come when you slow down and allow them.
Pretty is a word a child would use. The dynamics in my marriage were that I married him to be a father figure and he married me to rescue me. When I told him I released him, I was also telling that little girl that she was released from the relationship. She didn’t have to play the role anymore. I valued her more than that. I could protect her. I WOULD protect her. She experienced this as pretty.
After my massage I walked into a book store and one of the first things I noticed was a display of novelty socks. I’m not interested in $10 socks unless they’re for exercise, but this time I was drawn right in. One pair in particular caught my eye. They were embroidered with the words, “You are so damn pretty.” I plucked those socks off the rack and proudly paid my $10. They will forever remind me of the time I rescued my little girl. They will also remind me that she needs to hear she’s pretty. I vow that she will hear it from me, from now on.