To Date or to Wait?
Okay, so nobody’s knocking down my door. To be honest, nobody’s even glancing in my direction. I have no reason to be asking if I’m ready to date. But, I kind of do. I miss male companionship. I miss physical intimacy. I miss going out to dinner.
Oh, and I guess this is just a tiny bit relevant: my ex told me this week that he has entered the online dating world.
He committed to telling me when he was ready to take the plunge. He remained true to his word. He sent me a text. I’ve never received a break-up text but I wonder if this is what it kind of feels like. It stung. But it also sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts.
Wait! He’s ready to date? Does that mean I’m ready to date? It’s only been 4 months. Is 4 months long enough? How long is long enough?
Then, I started comparing my grief work to his grief work. Shouldn’t I be ready before he’s ready? Haven’t I faced it head on? Has he faced it head on? That’s when I had to say to myself, “STOP it SELF! There is no comparison. There is only your journey. There is only what’s right for you.”
So for tonight, I don’t have a profile. For tonight, nobody is winking at me or poking me or swiping in the right direction or whatever all those apps entail. It will come in time, but not tonight. I have friends who can show me the ropes. Maybe my ex will even guide me at some point, but not tonight.
In the meantime, it’s a Friday night. I could wallow. I’ve earned it.
But, not tonight. Tonight I decided to cook myself dinner, pour a glass of wine, light a candle, and watch an episode of “This is Us.”
In the meantime, I decided to date myself. And I’m excellent company.