Grieving the End of “In Sickness and In Health”
Another first this week. I got sick on Sunday. Really sick. Couldn’t do anything but lay on my back sick. I was dizzy and nauseated and unable to eat. By Tuesday morning I was scared.
So, I woke up and called Teladoc. The doctor told me I needed to see my PCP so I called my sister to ask for a ride. My amazing sister dropped everything. She left the baby at home and drove 45 minutes to take me to the doctor.
My PCP saw me, discovered that I’d lost 10 pounds, my blood volume was down 10% and my BP was 90/50. She did lots of tests and sent me to Urgent Care.
Sis was a trooper again. She made sure I ate a few crackers and then let me squeeze the blood out of her hand while I was getting an IV. Two bags of hydration didn’t seem to help and I couldn’t decide if I should go to the ER or not. In my marriage, my husband would have taken charge. But he’s no longer here. I had a short cry and then talked it over with my sister.
Two hours later and I was home. My PCP called and said I could stay home for the evening. She ordered me to eat and instructed me to go to the ER in the morning if I wasn’t better. Sis made me some rice. I made a valiant but not very successful effort to eat.
Next morning and nope, I wasn’t better. So yet another angel soul dropped everything and drove across town to help me out. She is fostering a 5 month old but she just brought him along (and what a saint he was). I had an EKG in the ER. It was abnormal so I got to skip the 2 hour wait. 2nd EKG was normal (whew). The doc talked to me about vertigo...and about a stroke! She tried some meds that didn’t seem to work so ordered an MRI.
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I called my ex. I needed his calm demeanor. Well, he didn’t answer. It’s Friday and he still hasn’t called. I’m sure there’s a good reason, but this hurts my heart. It’s a reminder that we have forfeited our marriage vows.
In the end, it’s vertigo. I have a healthy heart and a healthy brain. My BP is back to normal, and today I finally drove a little. I even went to the Y, but that was laughable. I just walked on the treadmill while I held on to the handles. Still, after 5 days on my back, I count it a huge success!
In the end, my ex hasn’t called. But, a ton of people have.
In the end, I’m reminded that we had our end. And I am surrounded by other amazing people who love me.
In the end, I am grateful.