Home is Where the Heart Is
I saw my ex in church yesterday. Normally no big deal. I see him most every Sunday. We usually share a quick hug and go our separate ways. Well, not last week, which you’ll understand if you read my last post, but I digress!
Yesterday I went in with the intention to connect with him. I wanted to continue the conversation about money, alimony, and the divorce. I looked across the aisle and mouthed, “Talk?” He mouthed back, “After church.” No obvious tension yet...thank God!
As the musicians began the service, I heard the opening bars of “Home” by Phillip Phillips. You’ve got to be kidding me. Don’t get me wrong; I love this song. But it just so happens that this was “our” song. The lyrics began:
Hold on, to me as we go As we roll down this unfamiliar road And although this wave is stringing us along Just know you’re not alone 'Cause I’m going to make this place your home
I couldn’t NOT look across the pews to my ex. We locked eyes and he sang along. Except he did what he always used to do, changing the words to, “I’m going to make my heart your home.” I silently began to cry. I felt the bittersweet nature of goodbye. I felt the preciousness of a deep love that has transformed. I felt profound gratitude for what was and equal gratitude for what is no longer.
After church we sat together for about 20 minutes. I gave him a bag of his all time favorite coffee. I wanted him to know that I was coming in peace. He gave me an update on the financial situation. No real change unfortunately. I then made my ask.
See, the financial changes could mean reopening up the Marital Dissolution Agreement (MDA). The MDA spells out all the financial obligations. Our conversation last week basically unwinds these obligations, at least for now. But if we change the MDA, we change the court date. We change closure. We risk inviting more anger, resentment and angst. I do not want any of these things. I want our 10/26 court date. I want closure. I want peace, calm, and joy.
So I asked if we could leave the MDA as is. I asked if we could leave the court date as scheduled. I asked if we could keep attorneys out of the mix. I told him I believe we will figure out the financial piece. And I really do believe that. He agreed to all of the above.
This is non-conventional. So what. This entire journey has been non-conventional. And it’s working far better for me than the status quo. I think my ex would say the same thing.
As we got ready to leave, we commented on our song. It will always be our song. But just like our relationship, it means something different now. His heart was my home. It’s not anymore. My heart is my home now.