Fear Feels Like a Four Letter Word
Fear has knocked me on my butt the past few days. It has surprised me. Until yesterday, I have been riding an amazing wave of positive emotion and belief.
The only thing I know to do with fear is to give it voice and face it head on. I have called a few friends and I will give it additional voice here. Once given voice, I know I will have the courage to face it.
Things I’m afraid of:
Sharing with you all the ridiculous things I’m afraid of
Burning through all my savings since my main income source just went away
Not being able to buy a house (my savings is mostly from equity I had in the house with my ex)
Going back to work and starting to work 80+ hours a week again
Gaining a bunch of weight
Losing my connection to friends, family, church and myself
Giving up my dream of being a nutrition coach, specializing in eating addictions and 12 step recovery
Never finding love again
Being in charge of car maintenance
Calling about my $3,000 ER bill from vertigo
Believing I have to be with a man to be okay
Dying old and alone
The list goes on. But my energy for it does not. I have wallowed for a little over 24 hours. It’s time to shift my perspective. My Dad reminded me that I have been perfectly prepared for what comes next. I can be excited to see what will be revealed. And I am.
I was terrified of leaving corporate and I found an amazing life on the other side. I was terrified of leaving my marriage. Again I found an amazing life on the other side. I am terrified of my next professional move. I suspect I will find an amazing life on the other side. I am terrified of doing life on my own. Wait! I’m already doing it. And it is amazing.
I can walk through the fear. I AM walking through the fear.
I have contacted a handful of therapists to seek coaching referrals. I am setting up coffees and lunches with people in my network. I have updated my resume. I am spending more time at home so that I will have the time to work. I am staying in prayer. I am going on dates. I am walking through the fear.
Yes, fear is a four letter word. But so are love, hope and life. I choose to see fear as the fuel I need to propel me forward, onward and upward.