D Day. An Ending. A Beginning.
I was up early this morning. Court started at 8:15. I met a friend at the Courthouse at 8. I asked her to come and hold my hand. She did just that. She did more than that. She pointed out logistics. She reminded me of who I am. She loved me.
It’s hard to put into words the onslaught of emotions that hit me. Truth be told, they hit last night. It was a normal night. I moved a washer and dryer, heated up supper, watched “This is Us” and took a shower. I was fine. But something happened between drying off and taking out my contacts. The switch flipped and I kind of lost it. I started to brush my teeth and couldn’t finish. I just started crying.
A year on this journey has taught me so much. One lesson is the importance of reaching out. So I started texting. I asked for support, and the response was overwhelming. So many texts. So many prayers. So many offers to talk and get together. And one dear friend just picked up the phone. I ignored the call at first but then thought better and called her back. It is amazing to me how cathartic a 15 minute cry and conversation can be. After that, I was able to finish brushing my teeth. I crawled into bed, curled into a ball, and slept soundly.
Back to court...we sat waiting for the judge to call us to the stand. My ex and I didn’t use an attorney and we had to wait for all the cases with attorneys first. But it was fast. Super fast. I witnessed at least 2 dozen marriage dissolutions in a matter of less than an hour. Something pretty sad about that. And somehow victorious.
When we were called up, we had to raise our right hands and swear to tell the truth. We were asked to state our full legal names. The judge then turned to me as the plaintiff and asked if I had completed all of the paperwork truthfully. He then asked my ex if he’d had a chance to read everything. We both said yes. Then the judge started reading the paperwork. Time felt like it was standing still. My stomach was in knots, my hand and knees were shaking, I was gripping the edge of a chair for dear life, and tears were rolling down my cheeks. At one point I looked over at my ex and gave him a sad smile. He reached over and touched my shoulder. Probably not what that courtroom typically witnesses. The judge finally looked up and said he was satisfied with the papers and our testimony.
And so it is done.
After leaving court I made a beeline for my apartment, quickly changed clothes, and drove to the Y. Today was the perfect day for a drumming workout. And I beat the hell out of the floor!
It is a good day. I treated myself to lunch. I have a facial appointment this afternoon. And I’m hanging out with girlfriends this evening.
Tomorrow I have a date. We are going to a Halloween party. He is introducing me to his friends. We are wearing complementary costumes. Time to move forward. Time to move on.
After an ending, a new beginning.