A Year Since Our “I Do” Became “I Don’t”
It’s been a year. Already a year. Only a year. It’s been the hardest year. It’s been the best year.
I did the thing that I most feared. I walked away from the life I knew. I chose to jump into the abyss of the unknown. I still sit back and revel in awe at my courage to do the terrifying thing. I didn’t know how it would turn out.
What if I lived to regret leaving? What if I couldn’t emotionally navigate without my best friend by my side? What if I was paralyzed by loneliness? What if I isolated? What if I fell into depression? What if I never found love again? I faced all these fears and more.
And some of them DID become a reality.
I did miss my best friend, especially when I was in the ER. But, I survived.
I did have lonely days and nights. But, I survived.
I did feel depressed. But, I survived.
It’s been a year of grace. A year of friendship. A year of play. A year of faith. A year of forgiveness. And, yes, a year of love.
How could I have known that I would be happier than I’ve ever been?
I am in a beautiful, safe, cozy apartment. I have an amazing circle of friends. I dated and played hard this summer. I engaged in bigger relationships with my family. And, recently, I have found love again. I didn’t see any of this when I left. I saw only what I would be losing.
But here’s the thing. Nature hates a vacuum. When you create a void, something else will rush in to fill it. Once I freed myself from my marriage (in all fairness: a successful marriage that had come to a natural ending), there was so much room for new energy, for new life. I have matured in my belief that I can take care of myself, that God has my back. I am strong and independent. I am fierce. I am a warrior. I am Sarah Joy.
My deepest desire is that all of you who read this post will find the courage to do the thing that scares you. I promise you it will be an adventure. You will be scarred, but you will heal. And your scars will add to your beauty. And you will revel in your courage. And I will revel in your courage too.