Project Joy Restored
I’ve had writer’s block. Well, kind of. My daily journal practice remains. It is my constant. It is the way I start my day, every day. I wake up. I brush my teeth. I scroll through my phone. And then I pick up my journal. I’m usually a few sentences in and then I look up and see Colin, my Love, walking in with a cup of coffee. More accurately described as a triple shot latte with almond milk, with just a little mocha flavored Califia and a hint of Haitian vanilla extract. Yeah. He’s a coffee alchemist. And he does it for me. Also every day.
But I digress. Writer’s block...I can write when it’s for my own eyes only. I can go on for days about what we did yesterday, how I felt, what I’m grateful for, why I’m tired, etc. But it’s not the stuff of healing stories. I’ve heard many “real” writers say that sorrow doesn’t feed their creative muse. Does that mean my writing isn’t real? No, not at all. It just means that it’s easier for me to write when there’s some hurdle or some big life lesson for me.
These days, I rarely face grief. I rarely feel resentment. I rarely think about the past. And when I do, it’s fleeting. I’m thinking of renaming my website to Project Joy Restored. Not really. My life is so full I don’t have the time to dedicate to it. But what an amazing message to convey. My Joy Has Been Restored!
Here’s what that looks like today:
Alarm went off at 4:15. Colin got up too. I pulled out my journal. He came minutes later with my latte (in a gold rimmed mug. Just sayin’)
Weight lifting class at the Y. Yes, this does feel like joy to me. I live 5 minutes away. I love my instructor. I am healthy enough to do 4 laps of walking lunges around the gym...not sure I’ll be able to stand up from the toilet tomorrow, but I crushed it on the track!
A 7 a.m. video call with our developers in Athens, Greece. Yes, 7 felt early at first, but seriously, as much as I value different perspectives and exposure to other cultures. I GET to work with people from Greece!
Speaking of a work call...I love my job. Seriously. We are on the cutting edge. So much new science coming out about the microbiome and gut health. We are helping people who struggle with digestive issues. And I am getting paid. No small thing after 3 years off. I can take care of myself. I am no longer reliant on my ex for my financial security.
I had a call with my team where we reviewed our strengths and how we can contribute those strengths to be a better team. I am leading again. And I love it!
A dear friend called and I decided I could take a short break. She has been working on clarifying her values. One of her values is joy. She describes joy as much deeper than happiness. Even in sorrow, you can be filled with joy. She reminds me of how lucky I am.
I spend a few minutes researching pizza places in Chicago. What? Why would I do that? Well, we are flying out Thursday night. Meeting 2 girlfriends. Spending the weekend in the city for my birthday. Thank you new job. Thank you Southwest Companion Pass. Thank you, Colin for loving to travel as much as I do.
And that brings me to another big key to “Joy Restored.” I know it’s about me. It’s about my healing. It’s about realizing that I am always gonna be okay no matter what. It’s about discovering that I have that indwelling joy my friend described. But it sure doesn’t hurt that I have fallen head over heels in love. I mean all the way! I mean rainbows and pink clouds PLUS deep respect and trust. I mean disagreeing but knowing it’s okay because at the end of the day, he has my back, that we will always come to our answer. And I have his back too. A few weeks ago we took a trip to Greenville, SC. I’ve dreamt of a move for years. I’ve never lived anywhere other than TN. He’s game. So we just decided to explore. And you know what? I think we will make Greenville our home in the next 2 years. Walkable downtown, smaller than Nashville, friendly, lower cost housing, and a waterfall in the middle of it all. Talk about joy!
One bonus one, now that I’m gushing about Colin. He came home tonight and said, “C’mon, how do you feel about sushi?” We wavered and eventually ended up at a vegetarian place. The portions were moderate. The food was delish. The price was right. It was healthy. The fact that he lives a healthy lifestyle too makes me swoon.
So there you have it for now. I’ve had writers block because I’m so damn happy. The tradeoff is that I miss my blog, but I think I can handle it.
Big love and even bigger joy to every single one of you!